Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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