you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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