i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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