Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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