I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
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I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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