mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize