You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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