You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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