I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize