I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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