dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we should paint friendship bongs
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