still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
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I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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