And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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