Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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