My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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