wanna go halves on a baby?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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