i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
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Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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