Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
do nipples grow back?
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