Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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