Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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