so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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