you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
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I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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