dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
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SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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