He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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