you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I supernannyed him into submission
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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