the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize