I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We left an ass print on the piano.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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