READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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