you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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