In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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