So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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