i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize