im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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