I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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