Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize