3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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