Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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