I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
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Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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