Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
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Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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