a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had to cum in my sink.
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