ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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