I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
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how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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