I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
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What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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