Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize