I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize