My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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