Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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