dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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