My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
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If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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