we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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